Grace Essen

Grace Essen

It sure takes a lot more to raise decent children in today’s world than it did many years ago. Our children need very firm boundaries at the same time some flexibility to enable them learn to make right choices at all times. Sometimes it is hard to know where to draw the line, and so we are constantly under pressure to get it right.

As a working mom you will have to accept that you really cannot be physically present with your children as much as you would love to. It is a reality you and your family will have to come to terms with. The smart approach to parenting for you is to bring up your children with the future in mind, and to teach them at any given opportunity, (like one mom teaches her children numbers every time they climb the stairs).

You want them to learn to be independent, to be able to use their initiatives, and have the will to stand up for themselves and make smart choices always. In other words, you have to help them build character and become responsible adults. You do not want to produce what Robert Elliot Speer refers to as: “…riffraff of the world that the worthy men and women have to bear along as they go,” and neither do you want children who (even as adults) keep running back to mama when confronted with simplest of life challenges.

Teach your children to do things for themselves

Let your children continually learn how to do things on their own, for themselves and for others as well. At first, it is usually slow – annoyingly slow, time consuming, wasteful, and somewhat frustrating. Resist the urge to take over, if you give them the chance to learn, they will improve every time they try. That way, you will build confidence in them and in yourself as a parent as well.
Telling children what to do and how to do it all the time tends to take away their natural curiosity, hamper their creativity and make them feel dumb. Take the back seat once in a while and let them explore and come up with their own ideas and ways to solve problems. There might be a better and faster way to do things than the way you have always known.

Encourage your children to be themselves

Encourage your children to dare to be different, to stand out, and to run their own race. Don’t make school grades the entire focus for being in school, look out for other abilities and talents your children may possess. Give lots of encouragement to your children; acknowledge efforts they make at given tasks and assignments, not just the end results. When we acknowledge efforts made, and small changes or improvements observed, big ones will follow.

A good number of successful men and women today worked hard in school alright but were not necessarily top students. They learned how to understand people and get along well with them, and that hard work and determination are prerequisites to success. Give your children life and success skills and you would have given them an edge in life.

Be tough and nice

There are times you will need to make some changes in your home which may not go down well with everyone. You will need courage to go ahead and make those changes. Initially your kids will want to dare you just to know if you really mean business, let them know you do, and explain to them why the change is necessary at that time. And if they do not understand, maybe they will sometime in the future. You do have a duty to do what is right for them, but you might consider proving healthy alternatives. Marabel Morgan in her book The Total Woman had this to say about setting limits: “Be firm and positive; offer your children constructive alternatives… It is always easier to take away a cracker when you offer a cookie in its place.”

You will have to be consistent with routines, rules, discipline etc. It teaches the children that in life there are rules, standards and limits which are meant to be obeyed and followed at all times. They also learn that there are consequences for every action or no action taken. Some of these will hurt you and your children a bit, but the end result will be well worth it.

When you say ‘NO’, mean it. By doing so you empower your children to be able to say NO when they need to, especially when you are not there. Saying YES all the time even when you do not mean it, teaches them to do same. If that becomes their way of life, they will likely give in easily to peer pressure, harassments and abuse.

Never make a threat you do not mean or are not in a position to carry out. You will only be shooting yourself in the foot, and making parenting more difficult for yourself. Your children will see you as a dog that only barks but never bites.

Culled from the e-book Successful Working Mom written by yours truly, available online for download free.

You may reach Grace via email: [email protected]. You can also connect with her on twitter @GraceEssen, on Facebook, and also follow her blog @Mum2MumAfrica.com.