Hope Eghagha

By Hope Eghagha 

Aremu: Gentlemen, the time has come for us to take a firm position on the future of our country.  We cannot allow the nation to drift into the hands of herdsmen and Boko Haram!

Damasi: We have always done so; that’s why we struck in 1985 and threw some stubborn, self-righteous fellows, the Mallam-generals into the dustbin of history!

Akubu: Caution! Caution! To keep Nigeria one is a task that must be done! Don’t ever forget that!

Salami: That’s why we took over after Sanni ate some deadly apples from some Indian bitches and fell into a coma!
Damasi: What a thing to say in public! Don’t be part of that puerile narrative! Sanni was poisoned by the big powers just like MKO!

Aremu: Shhhhhhhhh! Silence! Don’t let Nigerians hear that nonsense from you! You want an uprising in your hands?
Damasi: Uprising? They are not capable of rising against anybody. Just dangle a few carrots before their leaders and they will come lapping your cream!

Aremu: You are so contemptuous of the people! Why?
Damasi: I don’t want to be pretentious like you! You know that you really have no respect for them that’s why you wanted a third term!

Aremu: Oloshi! Who said I wanted a third term? If I really wanted a third term I would have got it. Well, I did not kill my best friend in a phantom coup and there were no letter bombs in my time! Please let’s put things in their perspective. Where is Dele Giwa?

Damasi: My Attorney-General did not die mysteriously after his security men went for dinner! Don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house!

Aremu: Don’t go shopping for designer shoes if your feet have been eaten up like a kuturu!
Akubu: As the most senior general here I call you all to order! Order!
ALL: Attention Sir! All correct!

Nekan: Hehehehehe! Before UAC came to Sapele I am told, rabbits were already trading in palm kernel! What is happening in Abuja? I hear some one hundred soldiers were slaughtered by the technically-defeated Boko Haram last week!

Agari: It is a sad thing. Twelve two third of the population are not happy with the situation of things today. We must feed the nation through a green revolution!
Akubu: Where is Bubu? Why is he not here?
Nekan: He is not an ex-president; so he can’t be here.
Aremu: Are you an ex-president?
Nekan: Excuse me! I beg your pardon! What do you mean?

Damasi: He is an ex-president! He received power from my government!
Aremu: Declared null and void by the courts!

Damasi: Which kind of mumu court? Was I sworn in by the courts? Did I get power from the courts? My legitimacy arose from my de facto control of power. Whoever I handed over to was Head of State!
Salami: But not Commander-in-Chief!
Damasi: Semantics! Grammar! Syllogism!
Aremu: You were talking about Bubu!

Akubu: Yes, we need to drum some points into his head. We are one; we are all together in this business. His failure will rub off on us! I want peace for this country. That’s why I am always praying!
Nekan: Too many people are hungry and angry in the land! What can we do?
Aremu: I have reasoned with Bubu privately. I have explained to him that we cannot continue the way we are. He is unyielding!
Salami: I have paid several visits to him privately. I don’t speak in public. The man is surrounded by people who are not thinking about the country. They are interested in individual survival.

Akubu: That is a serious thing to say! That was what you all said when you shoved me out in 1975. I am happy that I have lived well since. No victor no vanquished!
Damasi: IPOB does not think so!
Salami: That proscribed body with a runaway leader? Please tell me something else!

Akubu: He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day!
Aremu: Any soldier who fights and runs away is a coward and should be court-martialed!
Damasi: I remember that somebody wanted to run away when Murtala was butchered by Dimka in 1976!
Aremu: I remember that but for Abacha somebody was already defeated and he had to escape through a gutter!

Akubu: How I wish these generals won’t be bickering like old prostitutes!
Salami: That’s harsh!  We assembled here to discuss 2019!
Agari: What about 2019?
Salami: Who do we want to back?
Agari: Do you have more than one vote or do you think democracy is like coup-plotting? I won’t forgive you khaki idiots for truncating my administration after legitimately securing a second term!
Damasi: Second term that was rigged?
Agari: We rigged well. We didn’t fire a shot!
Damasi: We didn’t fire a shot as well!

Akubu: What message for Bubu?
Aremu: Let him retire to a farm!
Damasi: He should command no more; let him obey!
Nekan:  His anti-corruption fight has made some gains. A second chance for continuity!
Agari: Let the people decide; I am not the people. Democracy must have its way in Nigeria and in Africa. We must not be so presumptuous as to think that we can think for the people and plunge the country into chaos.
Salami: I’m trying to talk him into letting a younger person take over!

Akubu: What is this talk about Jibrin?
Salami: Absolute rubbish. Nonsense of the highest order! Bubu is Bubu; Bubu is in the power house in Abuja. Do you think Aishatu would take any of that rubbish?  A doppelganger for a husband in these days of HIV and all those jagajaga diseases? For what? What for? What would the kids say? Welcome a new father into their home and not their hearts? Please…..

Aremu: I dey look ooo! Nigerians will believe anything. Just tell them a fat enough lie and they would be jumping about like ….
Damasi: The contemptuous generals and the people of the Nigerian State- a study of military rule in Nigeria!

Akubu: A good title for a good book on military rule after 1975! How the generals became oligarchs and carpetbaggers and…!

Agari: The exoneration game! Where is Bubu? Let’s ask him to do more!
Aremu: Do more? Or start something?

Akubu: It’s lunch time. The officers’ mess is waiting for us for a mess of pottage.
Aremu: Opari! Iyan is waiting for me! Bubu will be here next week for the verdict.

-The Guardian